When I was younger the world seemed unimaginable. It was so large and I was so full of wonder. As I got older the world began to shrink, as well, did my wonder.

“Another day has past like the one before. Another day has past with hope no more.”

I used to always say that when I was depressed. I was depressed quit often. The world seemed to be closing in on me and I found myself struggling with regret. There was so much that I wanted to do. I had not experienced enough. And now it was too late. I sit her now in my home all alone. I’m a withered old man waiting around to die. It should be any day now. The tumor has taken its toll and the doctors have allowed me to go home for the final stretch of my existence. Some times my beloved stops by to say hello, but it has been awhile since her last visit. She has been with me since my early youth. We have shared almost a better part of a lifetime together. And now that I’m dying, she’s not even here for me. It’s my own fault. I was always the guy who wanted everything, but I could never quit get enough. I could never fully satiate my desires. I used to often look at my beloved with resentment. She kept me from doing so many things that I wanted to do. I used to find myself regretting almost every moment we were together. I could have been with a different woman. I could have lived a different life. A could have been happier. I call it the “what if” clause. You find yourself living a different, happier life then the one you already have. Of course, this “what if” clause only arises when you’re having doubts in your present life. And my life has been full of doubts. I can honestly say that my entire life up until this point is a “what if” kind of life. Regardless, my beloved has stood by my side the entire time.

We have shared many moments together, both good and bad. We almost divorced twice, but in the end we worked out our differences and stayed together. It seemed like we always had to take things to the brink of disaster before we were able to realize how much we loved each other. Although, right now I am pretty upset that she has not come by to visit me. I’m dying for god sakes. I just want to see her smile one more time before I go…Read entire story