My Beloved

When I was younger the world seemed unimaginable. It was so large and I was so full of wonder. As I got older the world began to shrink, as well, did my wonder.

“Another day has past like the one before. Another day has past with hope no more.”

I used to always say that when I was depressed. I was depressed quit often. The world seemed to be closing in on me and I found myself struggling with regret. There was so much that I wanted to do. I had not experienced enough. And now it was too late. I sit her now in my home all alone. I’m a withered old man waiting around to die. It should be any day now. The tumor has taken its toll and the doctors have allowed me to go home for the final stretch of my existence. Some times my beloved stops by to say hello, but it has been awhile since her last visit. She has been with me since my early youth. We have shared almost a better part of a lifetime together. And now that I’m dying, she’s not even here for me. It’s my own fault. I was always the guy who wanted everything, but I could never quit get enough. I could never fully satiate my desires. I used to often look at my beloved with resentment. She kept me from doing so many things that I wanted to do. I used to find myself regretting almost every moment we were together. I could have been with a different woman. I could have lived a different life. A could have been happier. I call it the “what if” clause. You find yourself living a different, happier life then the one you already have. Of course, this “what if” clause only arises when you’re having doubts in your present life. And my life has been full of doubts. I can honestly say that my entire life up until this point is a “what if” kind of life. Regardless, my beloved has stood by my side the entire time.

We have shared many moments together, both good and bad. We almost divorced twice, but in the end we worked out our differences and stayed together. It seemed like we always had to take things to the brink of disaster before we were able to realize how much we loved each other. Although, right now I am pretty upset that she has not come by to visit me. I’m dying for god sakes. I just want to see her smile one more time before I go…Read entire story

Unicorn Oasis

I once came across a field in the middle of a desert. You might ask yourself how this would be possible. How could a field grow in the middle of a desert? That is a good question, but sadly I have no answer. The field was lathered in green and white, the white parts being mostly tulips and roses. Strange, I know, but there it stood. I saw it with my own eyes. I took a step forward, unearthing my feet from their sandy grave and slowly nestled the back of my heels, followed by the fronts of my feet, onto the suppleness of the heavenly pasture that stood before me. I small chill birthed its way from the bottom of my spine to the tips of my fingers. My present circumstances were extraordinary, to say the least. I supposed I had crossed some magical barrier separating magic from reality, or perhaps I was simply hallucinating. It was quite hot outside and I hadn’t much water. Regardless, I was going to cherish this small, fairy-tale like moment. I sat down in the middle of the field and waited. I wasn’t waiting for anything in particular. I was just savoring and indulging in the ambiance. That was enough for me. Just when I had almost had my fill of serenity, it happened. Out from the desert galloped a beast…Read entire story

Failure

When first you fail, try again. The second time you fail, remember that nothing comes easy. The third time you fail, remember that not all dreams are possible. When the fourth time hits, it’s time to find the Lord. After the fifth, put down the knife. The sixth time, try and find the Lord again and then after nobody answers put down the knife again. At seven failures, load the gun but don’t use it. Hope is in the possibility, not the resolution. When the clock of misery strikes eight, place one bullet in the revolver and spin it. Pull once on the trigger. If nothing happens, continue on with your dreams.

The ninth is the hardest, optimism being scarce. Place three bullets in the revolver and spin it. Your life comes down to a coin flip; heads or tails. If you live, your journey has been long and your dreams are not yet over. When the tenth failure comes, and it will come, give faith one last kiss goodbye because only success will come from the eleventh try. Do not fail this one, my friend. Make sure the knife is…Read entire story